I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
