Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
