I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
