Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
