I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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