We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
