I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
