I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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