Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
