My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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