hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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