The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
