Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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