I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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