you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
