Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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