It's like a parade of train wrecks.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
