i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
