hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
