If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
