You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
