jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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