i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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