i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
