Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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