i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
