nut hugger
I wish my penis had an off switch
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
How does one acquire holy water?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
