i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
