The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
