i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
