Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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