If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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