Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
