lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
