don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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