WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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