Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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