It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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