booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I can't turn off my feet"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
