just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
