I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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