his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
