at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
