where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
