Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
