just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
