had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
