Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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