drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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