scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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