I need help removing her.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
