My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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